I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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