Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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