Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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