some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
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I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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