I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
