I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
