my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
