i jhust puked up my retainher.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
