Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
