and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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