I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize