omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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