my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize