am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
