Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
