wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
