You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
