2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
