Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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