I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
