so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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