wanna go halves on a baby?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
