Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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