Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
