I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
