i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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