i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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