yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
