Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
