You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
