My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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