fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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