my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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