We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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