I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
