hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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