just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
