what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
