No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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