Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
