last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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