i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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