Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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