Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
