Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
