I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize