I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
