How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
