Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
