i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
