sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
