Me too!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
