i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
