I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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