Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
