No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
