I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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