..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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