I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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