i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
