Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
