so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
