i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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